"Secrets"

Ah! The different ways we love and how different we feel in each situation...

Of my days from you, this is just the first.
  And already I am parched with longing -
I think I can hear the echoes of your heart beating
  And can almost feel your breath, warm and caressing across me.
Memory intoxicates me as I relive your indelible touch.
We have danced the sacred rite in rhythm with our desires.
I am delirious with a fever of you.
These things are the secrets that I will keep from you.

My fingertips cannot reach you,
  And are lost without purpose.
My ears are deaf since they do not hear your tender endearments,
  Which you may or may not have meant.
There is a void in my bed -
  An emptiness next to me.
And I mourn in this exile from you.
Consumed by my own desire, this is my penance
  For all of the pleasures I now cherish.
I now admit these secrets I have kept from myself.

If you should return to me,
I will pretend that it does not matter to me.
  Pretend that it does not matter at all.
And that might drive you away from me again -
But I don't care.
Your leaving may be my only way of keeping you.
And my torch for you will burn -
  Whether you ever know it or not.
And I will secretly carry it forever.
The secret of secrets, from you and from myself.
This is the very secret which will keep my heart unbroken,
  My lips unkissed,
  My dignity intact,
  My pride uncompromised.
This secret might even keep your vows unbroken.
But I am not thinking of you.
I am only thinking of myself.

       1992 poetheart

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